Oh, anorexic mirror. Hello. How’ve you been? I didn’t miss you even a little.
I had been having a really good few weeks with the bod. Looking at myself in the mirror, thinking I looked pretty sexxy. Liking the naked. Then life got stressful. My portions got a little off-kilter. I got out of touch with my fellow recovering food addicts. This morning, I looked in the mirror before I got in the shower. Oof. I had forgotten how physical the anorexic mirror is. By which I mean, I didn’t “feel” fat. I LOOKED, to myself, as if I’d gained 20 pounds around my stomach and butt and thighs in the past few days. I haven’t. I mean, I didn’t get on the scale, because that way lies doom but I’m pretty sure, even if I gained 5 pounds I didn’t gain 20. The mirror is lying, but it’s lying SO EFFECTIVELY. My eyes are tricking me, like a mirage. I blew out my hair, it looked frizzy. I put on my make-up, I looked puffy. I pulled on my favorite dress, it made me look ill-formed and pregnant (I’m not). My calves look pale and lumpy. My arms look fat. It’s never-ending. I know it’s lying, and it doesn’t change what I see when I look in the mirror.
What’s the solution?
1) Eat healthy today. Don’t give it power.
2) Talk about it. I’m as sick as my secrets.
3) Reach out to loves ones who see me with different eyes
4) Get out of my head.
You will not win, anorexic mirror. Go back into hiding. Plan your little deadly plans. I will be here waiting. I will have bigger ammo. I will have LOVE.
Not yours anymore,
The first of many home-made pizzas
Y’all, I have not posted in forever. I’ve been experimenting a lot with breads. Pizza dough, sandwich breads, etc. Pizza is great because it’s ridiculously easy to make the dough and then I can put anything in the fridge on it. Sandwich bread is great because it tastes about a thousand times better than anything you can get in the store.
In my quest to find non-oatmeal breakfast foods, I’ve been baking a lot breakfast breads. I started with the idea of banana bread, but it quickly morphed into a kind of kitchen sink bread with whatever I had that could go into a semi-sweet (no sugar, obviously) quick-rise loaf. Most recently, I made a beet-carrot-orange-peach-walnut-coconut bread (with applesauce, obviously, in place off eggs/oil) that was tangy, bright pink, and perhaps a leetle too moist. My next attempt was beet-walnut-blueberry-coconut muffins (less moist in the middle!) which were a little too dense. Finally, I found a great recipe online that rises beautifully, I add whatever I want (usually 1 cup beets, 1 cups blueberries, 1 cup nuts and 3/4 cup oats) to it, and we’re good to go (I don’t use oil, I just use applesauce, and I use vanilla soymilk so I don’t add vanilla extract).
The first batch of muffins
The muffins are awesome because they have fruit, fiber, protein, Omega-3s, they’re vegan, no sugar added, whole wheat. . .they taste great and they’re super filling. Plus, the tanginess and pink color from the beets is pretty fantastic.
This a great, relatively quick and filling energy dinner, perfect for summer and oh so tasty! Adapted from a recipe I found on the Cooking Light website, it is based on a Vietnamese/Indonesian spring roll with a curry peanut sauce.
Hope you enjoy!
Tofu “Satay” Wraps
1/2 block High-Protein Tofu (Trader Joe’s) – in rectangular slices
1 Tbs sesame oil
2/3 C lite coconut milk
3 Tbs creamy peanut butter
1 Tbs soy sauce
1 Tbs rice vinegar
1 tsp curry powder
1/4 mix of cayenne and paprika
For each wrap:
1 large whole wheat (or other) tortilla
1-2 Tbs chopped green onions
1/4-1/3 C broccoli slaw (Trader Joe’s) or a mix of regular cole-slaw mix and carrot slivers
1/2 C tofu sauce mix
Heat oil in a sauce pan and add tofu. Cook until starts to turn golden. In the meantime, mix all the sauce ingredients in a large cup. Add sauce to tofu and simmer for 10-15 minutes. Assemble wrap – heat wrap on a skillet, place tofu/sauce mix in center, sprinkle with green onions, add slaw mix and wrap. Cut in half and enjoy!
Viniagrettes are fantastic for a light summer salad. When it is hot, my digestive system feels like it’s on slow-mo. As a result, I like my summer viniagrettes to be light, lemony and filled with fresh taste. I pour them over pasta salads with roasted vegetable or over a plethora of fresh crispy veggies and pepitas or sunflower seeds. Here is one that I recently made that complements heavier dishes such as a Kale and Potato Quiche or Meatloaf!
Hummus Viniagrette all over those veggies
juice of 1 lemon
1 Tbs olive oil
1 Tbs sherry vinegar
1 Tbs Dijon mustard
2 Tbs plain hummus
2 garlic cloves, pressed
pinch dried basil
pinch of paprika
pinch of salt
pinch of pepper
Combine all ingredients in a small Tupperware container and shake to mix or stir in a small cup. Pour over salad and let sit for 15 minutes to strengthen in flavor.
I have had kale and leek (two of my favorite veggies) slowly getting to the point of no return in my fridge for a week and I have not had the desire or strength to get it together and make something with them. I guess I was reluctant to make the SAME OLD THING again. Last night, finally, I was inspired and made a variation on a quiche. Inspired by the Spanish-style frittata, which includes potatoes, I lined the tin with sliced baked potatoes and poured the quiche mixture on top of that. For the filling, I started with the usual kale and leek base, but used firm tofu and added white beans for extra creaminess and sun-dried tomato bruschetta from Trader Joe’s for an extra je ne sais quoi. The result was marvelous! Served with a mixed veggie salad dressed with a hummus and dijon viniagrette deemed “fresh” by D., the meal was fantastic and a great end to a long day! Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!
Kale, Leek and Sun-dried Tomato Quiche with Potato Crust
That's some awesome lookin' quiche!
1 bunch kale – de-veined and cut into bite-sized chunks
1 leek – diced finely
1 Tbs olive oil
salt and pepper
1/2 block (~10oz) firm tofu
1/2 – 15 oz can white beans, drained
2 heaping Tbs nutritional yeast
1 oz vegan Monterey jack
1 Tbs sun-dried tomato bruschetta (Trader Joe’s)
1/2 C unsweetened soy milk
2 tsp corn starch
1 tsp chili powder
2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vegan Worcestershire sauce *** (omit if making gluten-free)
1/4 tsp pepper
3 medium potatoes
cayenne pepper, ground (optional)
Preheat oven to 350F. “Bake” potatoes in microwave (approx. 5 minutes). Sauté leek and kale in olive oil. In the meantime, thoroughly blend the tofu mix ingredients. This mixture will be pretty thick. Pour it into the kale and leek pan and heat for about 1 minute. Cut up potatoes and cut into 1/8 inch strips. Spray pie or quiche tin (9″ diameter) with cooking spray and line entire tin (including sides) with potato slices. Pour tofu and kale mixture on top of the potato slices. Bake for 30 minutes or until golden and firm.
Like C, I have also been on a quest to find alternate breakfasts to the typical oatbran. I had a sudden inspiration to try my hand at the smoothie. I have not had this for breakfast in a very long time, and I was suspect of trying it, as it appeared to lack in carbohydrates. Surprisingly enough, it turned out to be not only satiating but also extremely pleasant and cool. (It can be made with or without Peanut or Almond Butter, if you have troubles with overindulging in nut butters.)
1/2 C frozen fruit (I have used both multi-berry mix and mango berry and papaya chunks – all from Trader Joe’s)
1 tablespoon unsweetened apple sauce
1/2 – 1C unsweetened soy milk (depending on how thick you want your smoothie)
1 Tbs soy protein powder
1 Tbs flax meal
1 Tbs nut butter
Blend thoroughly and serve immediately!
One of the fantastic joys of being in recovery is the period. Call it what you want, but this last weekend I got it, and I got it bad. You know, the strange thing is that I celebrate it now. Don’t get me wrong; I hate feeling bloated and exhausted and in pain no less than any other girl with fully functioning reproductive organs, but this is something to celebrate for me. Three years ago my doctor declared that I was not ovulating and until I decide to have children I will not know how much damage I have done. I have NEVER up until this point (at age 26) had a normal regular period. I didn’t have a period for about 5 years straight asides from the occasional one I used to be able to induce it by eating a bag of soybeans. No longer does the bloat-i-ness trigger me as it did at the beginning of my recovery. And this weekend, I gave in and rested, thinking instead of how “bloated” and the dreaded “f” word I feel, how I can create something quick, light and nutritious for my lunch
I looked in my handy-dandy “Healing Foods” book and found the section on PMS. The book recommends foods containing Vitamins B6 and Magnesium for reducing cramps and preventing anemia, as well as whole grains for maintaining blood sugar to reduce energy loss. I also looked into foods containing iron (that are vegan), as a preventative measure. What I discovered has been a true joy! First of all, PARSLEY is my favorite veggie!! It is chock full of calcium, iron, Vit K and tons of other nutrients! Look it up! Second, raw PEPITAS (or pumpkin seeds) contain 25% recommended Iron in 1/4C!! And they’re not oily or calorically dense! Finally, Vit. C helps in the absorption of iron! Using all these fascinating new ideas, I made a salad, which I have dubbed my PMS salad, because it makes me happy when my body is not so happy, and it is specifically designed to address all those things that need extra TLC when one is in the throes of the Big P.
I hope you enjoy it, female or not!
– Peace –
1 C cracked wheat bulgur (cooked)
1 C arugula spinach mix
1/4 C each yellow and orange bell pepper (cubed)
1/2 beefsteak tomato (or one roma) (cubed)
3 radishes (sliced)
1/5 hothouse cucumber, or 1/2 regular (cubed)
1/3 C parsley leaves, ripped into bite-size pieces
1/4 C raw pepitas
juice of 1/2 lemon
2 garlic cloves
1 tsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp olive oil
2 tsp sun-dried tomato bruschetta (Trader Joe’s)
1/4 tsp dried basil
salt and pepper